Self-waterboarding kit

12 1 14th 2009 § 1 comment

The 2nd most fun you can have water-boarding yourself.

The 2nd most fun you can have water-boarding yourself.

So I have become obsessed with clearing my sinuses. Ever since moving to California (1994-1995?) I have had horrible sinus congestion, loss of smell, and pressure related headaches that feel like my skull is going to split in half. I’ve been to the doctor about this, and although I need medication the insurance companies veto my prescriptions.
I have had a lot of friends recommend “Neti Pot “:

Being the cheap bastard that I am, I tried it with a cup of water first. Basically what happened next was a brief trip down Guantanamo Road: first I grabbed on of the cups my wife hates (in case I break it because I am a clumsy fool) and filled it full of water. Then I tilted my head back and poured one nostril full of water. It immediately rushed into the back of my brain. My eyes were burning, my nose felt like it was drowning, and the base of the skull felt like it was being drilled into with a red hot poker. This lasted for about 7 seconds (because like I fool I tried to “man through the pain”), then the other nostril. Amazingly the same effect.

That night I went to CVS and just picked up a Neti Pot. Much better experience. Although I was amazed by the amount of water that was left in my sinuses after (kept “leaking” all night) but this morning, things smelled and tasted different. A clear indicator that my sinuses were clearing out. Even now, I can feel sheets of mucus clearing away as they slowly drip down the back of my throat.
I’m simply amazed by the effects of the first pass. After I do it again tonight I just prey I don’t drown in my sleep as my sinuses rabidly flush their gooey black contents down the back of my throat.

Thank you California Smog for years of marvelous build up!

§ One Response to Self-waterboarding kit

  • Jose Sierra says:

    Dude, I’ve tried this thing and not had the same success. Quite the contrary, I made a huge mess, filled my skull with water, and have since heard sloshing sounds in my head when I turn it too quickly.

    But seriously, I tried it a few months back for the second time, and still didn’t have any real success – for about half a day I seemed to have a very mild, minimal improvement, but I’m just not willing to dump a cup of hot saltwater up my nose every night.

    What I *have* had significant success with is Allegra-D. If things get really bad, I double it up with some Sudafed. This combination will literally go through your sinuses like a roto-rooter of death – you will breathe like never before. You will smell the fart of a redneck three counties away. You will taste every nuance of the meal sitting three tables down. Take an Allegra-D (or Singulair if that works for you) every day, and watch the magic. It’s Amaaaaaazing.

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